Don’t get in your own way

I am continuing my self-love series as there are many layers to explore. I recently came across this quote, ‘Don’t let you be the reason why you're not advancing or becoming who you want to be’. This got me thinking, how much do we get in our own way and how can we break this cycle, after all, we are our own worst critics. There are so many reasons why we do this. Remember as kids we were fearless, we stated our needs, were effortless creative, stayed present and more honest than we will probably ever be again in our lives. As we grew, we developed a need to be accepted and whether realized or not, we did adapt. In the same way we adjusted and adapted to other people’s expectation, we are capable of adjusting and adapting to our own expectations for ourselves. We developed a habits function which is a three-part cycle: trigger, routine, reward. That is exactly what is happening when you keep deciding to be less than you are. We all know this cycle very well without realizing we are doing it every day and it is our comfort zone and it is the easy route. The big question is, how do we break this cycle? Here are some steps to begin to break that cycle and become a better you. Leave your comfort zone This is something we all hear and are told to try or do something different and new, something that scares you – easier said than done, right? I agree it can be scary however so rewarding. I will testify that once you make this a habit, it does get easier and does restore confidence in yourself. This does not mean it has to be a major thing, you can start small then build up to those bigger things you want to do. Put thought into the things you really want to try but have never had the courage. Also, take the approach of, why not or so what if I fail. I can also testify that you do learn from failures which can lead you to a better path than the original. Visualize the person you want to become If you really want something or want to be a certain way, start to visualize it. Think about the outcome of making the change you really want, think of the steps it will take to get to your goal. If you really want it, you can and will it happen – no one is going to do it for you. Again, start with small steps towards the goal. If there are setbacks, then figure out another route. Defy your old impulses This one is hard as we are creatures of habit. I looked up how long it takes to create a new habit, results were from 21 days to 254, what? Breaking a habit is about the same. This means that if you want to break a habit, aka your old way of doing things, you have to be conscious and deliberate to defy the old and create the new. I make little rules for myself and really try to keep them, such as I cannot look at my phone once I get into bed other than make sure it is on silent or my alarm is set. I try very hard to stick to the rule which I have now made a habit. Stick to making the change, you might stumble but get up and keep going, be resilient. Rewrite your story/journey The reason you resist being this ideal version of yourself is that you associate it with something negative. You tell yourself that you don’t deserve to be the person you visualize yourself to be and that you aren’t good enough. I really hate ‘good enough’ as it has become the norm, means just enough and is so negative. You are more than good enough, you do deserve the best of what you want, not what others want. We spend way too much of our time trying to be what others think we should be and not what we want to be. Change your story! Decide who you want to be and what you want, set those goals, become the best you! Love yourself and reward yourself! Show yourself and others you can change your story and show them the way. Stay true to yourself, Stephanie

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